Using the children as weapons
This was handed to me by a collaborative lawyer who often hands this poem to parents who are in the process of divorce.
For anyone who has ended a relationship with children at it’s heart, this is a powerful and moving reminder of why we take a long term view.
For those who are still on the threshhold – read this, and hold it in your hearts before you say anything, do anything – and give your lawyer a copy to boot.
Now our marriage is spiralling,
spinning beyond our control
and we have wounded each other
lovelost, bowbroken, ringthrown,
first we used silence as weapons
then we used words and then fists
the arms race was swift and impressive
our hands are now empty, they twist
in the dust. We have thrown
everything away but our anger
and still we have to keep fighting.
But there’s something we can do together:
let’s use the children as infantry,
let’s use the children as spies,
let’s bring them up with the Director’s cut
with spin and with spite and with lies,
let’s use the children as weapons
let’s use the children as snares
we’ll have plenty more years of reprisals
if we make our unhappiness theirs.
By Clare Kirwan