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Using the children as weapons

Using the children as weapons

This was handed to me by a collaborative lawyer who often hands this poem to parents who are in the process of divorce.

For anyone who has ended a relationship with children at it’s heart, this is a powerful and moving reminder of why we take a long term view.

For those who are still on the threshhold – read this, and hold it in your hearts before you say anything, do anything – and give your lawyer a copy to boot.


Now our marriage is spiralling,

spinning beyond our control

and we have wounded each other

lovelost, bowbroken, ringthrown,

first we used silence as weapons

then we used words and then fists

the arms race was swift and impressive

our hands are now empty, they twist

in the dust. We have thrown

everything away but our anger

and still we have to keep fighting.

But there’s something we can do together:

let’s use the children as infantry,

let’s use the children as spies,

let’s bring them up with the Director’s cut

with spin and with spite and with lies,

let’s use the children as weapons

let’s use the children as snares

we’ll have plenty more years of reprisals

if we make our unhappiness theirs.

By Clare Kirwan

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