Trump’s War Speech Shows The Weakness Of Dispute On All Levels
With Trump blasting out his rhetoric to the UN threatening to destroy North Korea and undermining, completely, existing peaceful agreements on reducing arms proliferation with Iran – deliberately crushing opportunities to mediate and find healthier solutions – the parallels with a nasty divorce were inescapable.
But when you are dealing with a narcissistic opponent – as many divorcing couples are – how can peaceful solutions possibly work?
Look at it this way – were any of the seasoned diplomats at the UN thinking – “Oh great, now we have strong leadership and someone who will ultimately bring peace and prosperity and heal the wounds of this broken relationship and long-term feud with North Korea”? I suspect not. All they saw was political posturing, a simplistic world-view and a culture of fear.
All peace agreements are a struggle of blood, sweat, and tears. Of thinking outside of the box and putting the ego away for a while, just for a moment, to get each incremental small agreement that leads to the final exhausted commitment. Just because it’s difficult, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.
Countless wars have ended not with a cry of victory – but with a peace treaty. Many high-profile celebrities have bucked the trend and divorced peacefully, without dragging themselves or their children through lengthy litigation. Even Madonna managed to have a ‘good divorce’ (reputably using a collaborative divorce approach).
Peace agreements – and divorce settlements – have been reached in the past by parties who it was hard to believe would ever agree on anything, ever. But the will to stop the suffering of others was stronger than the will to destroy.
This is where families with children have an advantage. We love our children. We may let our egos and our anger drive us to self-destruction in a fruitless court battle, but the children remind us that ultimately, we gain nothing if they suffer.
Now that doesn’t mean we lie down and be abused or agree to something that won’t leave us enough to eat, but we owe it to our families and ourselves to seek out the best ways to cut a deal, and avoid the Trumpean rhetoric and aggression that simply fuels the war, and does nothing to bring it to an end. The only way Trump can ‘win’ against North Korea is to build strong allies, collaborative relationships.
Perhaps Trump needs to spend some time observing the collaborative law process and mediation in action, and then just maybe, he might learn a thing or two about the power of peace, and the weakness of war.
Suzy Miller: Divorce Strategist