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Wallowing in Misery, or Wading Through to the Other Side? By Vivienne Smith

Wallowing in Misery, or Wading Through to the Other Side?  By Vivienne Smith

There are so many ways to cope with the loss of a relationship, but some of them will just leave you feeling worse. In this interview with Transformation Coach and author of “The Single Mum’s Survival Guide”, Vivienne Smith shares a few examples or how we deal with relationship breakdown, and what better choices we can make: Denial You assure everyone you are fine but you realise that you are drinking too much, eating too much or laughing just a little too loudly. You may...

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Keeping flexible when creating a child contact agreement

Keeping flexible when creating a child contact agreement

In this video interview by Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller, with Divorce Mediator John Stebbing of Stephen Rimmer LLP, John explains how creating a contact agreement can be a difficult area. The reason it’s difficult is because children grow – their needs change. You don’t want the couple concerned tied to an arrangement which isn’t in the interests of those children anymore. So, you need to have the right type of wording/paragraph that enables the agreement to...

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Making a Mediation Agreement legally binding

Making a Mediation Agreement legally binding

Something that clients often ask me, is that if you are the parent who isn’t getting contact with the children, then what’s the point of using mediation, since whatever agreement you reach, it is not immediately legally binding? “We can negotiate using mediation, but the other parent can just ignore what was agreed. How do I make sure that this doesn’t happen?” Something that I frequently advise, is that when you use mediation, you can create a parenting plan...

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When your Ex doesn’t want to use mediation to divorce

When your Ex doesn’t want to use mediation to divorce

In this interview with Family Mediator Wendy Still, she reveals how even the most negative divorce mediation clients can discover the powerful benefits of using this particular route through divorce: “Some clients come to mediation, not necessarily because they want to, but rather because their own solicitor has told them “they have to”. Of course, before issuing any application for financial relief or for an Order under the Children Act in private law proceedings, trying mediation first is a...

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How lawyers can support Mediation

How lawyers can support Mediation

  There is a role for lawyers in divorce mediation, but people need to understand better what that role is   In this video interview by Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller, with Divorce Mediator John Stebbing of Stephen Rimmer LLP, John explains the role of lawyers as part of a mediated divorce process.     The right professional support is often a vital element of a successful mediation.It is important that those mediating have a good grounding in the options that,if...

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Top Financial Divorce Tips from Knill James

Top Financial Divorce Tips from Knill James

Simple but very useful advice from Knill James Accountants about how to make the divorce process easier.  Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller interviews David Martin and Suzanne Craig of Knill James Accountants and gets their ‘top tips’:   Being organised is the number one Top Tip Where are the bank accounts?  Where are all the bank statements – are they only online and how can you access them if you’re not the spouse in charge of the finances? Don’t forget that...

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Why divorce mediation is better than going to court

Why divorce mediation is better than going to court

  We often hear that Mediation is “better for the children” – but how many people really understand the benefits overall?   In this video interview by Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller, with Divorce Mediator John Stebbing of Stephen Rimmer LLP, John explains why using divorce Mediation instead of the Courts is a wise choice, and illustrates his assertions with a moving tale of a divorcing couple where the father is being denied access to his 3 children.  Below,...

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Protecting the Children from the divorce fall-out

Protecting the Children from the divorce fall-out

How do we protect the children from the effects of the divorce?   The ability to learn forgiveness and being aware of flash points where the children become dragged into the divorce are important.  In this video interview with Transformation Coach Vivienne Smith, Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller records some valuable post-divorce advice for parents: “The one thing that always strikes me whenever I talk to single mums is just how passionately they love their children. They would...

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Forgiveness and Divorce

Forgiveness and Divorce

    How do we forgive when we have suffered so much before and during the divorce process, and why is it so important that we do? In this video interview with Transformation Coach Vivienne Smith, Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller gets some answers to those questions:   “Forgiveness – this is so easy for an objective observer to recommend – and so very hard to do if you are the one still gripped by the bitterness, anger, hurt and resentment that separation and divorce so...

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Relationships never die – they just change form

  Are you feeling that you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to be working? Do you think the relationship needs to be let go of and it’s time to move on? Are you completely confused, in emotional pain and with no idea how to make things better?   MYTH NUMBER ONE:  Nothing can save this relationship now Rubbish.  A relationship – especially when you have children – is more than a marriage or the partnership that contains it.  Even if the form of that...

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How to start standing in your power with money

You may have heard the saying that ‘How you do one thing is how you do everything’ – which, when you stop to think about it, is a big statement in itself. However, when it comes to earning, saving, being in debt and really getting to grips with your money habits, mind-set and increasing your income potential since your divorce so that you can begin to create that liberating financial independence – then the saying changes to ‘How you do money is how you do everything.’ This is the phrase that...

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Infidelity? It’s none of my business

Infidelity? It’s none of my business

    The shock of the breakup was so sudden, so extreme, that normal behaviour would have seemed inappropriate     The events that lead up to it should have left clues, but they didn’t register: The bank letters addressed in his name that I didn’t open because I’d learned that it was, apparently, none of my business how he kept missing the payments on the credit cards. The time he spent at the local pub which was natural for a hard working man, to need...

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Divorce lawyers and marketing – do they mix well?

  This week I may have lost some potential clients, by telling them things they didn’t want to hear. And fair enough.  We all prefer to work with people who reinforce what we believe, and it’s terribly annoying when someone contradicts us – especially if we’ve just spent a whole load of time and energy working hard on something only to get it dismissed out of hand by someone claiming to know more about marketing than us.   However, lawyers are not generally...

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Be Aware: 12 Key Questions to ask about your Will when divorcing

  When you go through a divorce or separation there is much to think about – but there are 12 important questions to ask yourself right at the beginning of the divorce process, if you are to fully protect your family’s interests:     Your estate could go to your ex partner – you can stop this. Your share of the house could go to your ex partner – this can be protected Your children’s next of kin, after you, is potentially their other parent – is...

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5 reasons families find themselves in an adversarial divorce

5 reasons families find themselves in an adversarial divorce

The Big 5 Divorce Myths There are 5 main reasons that families today can find themselves in an adversarial divorce process. These reasons are caused partly by the divorce industry, and partly by people not wanting to take full responsibility for keeping their divorce non-adversarial.  It’s up to us to change things!   True or false?  “We didn’t want it to get nasty, but we couldn’t stop it becoming adversarial” “I have to fight for a good settlement and what’s fair or...

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Why the Kavanagh's should have used collaborative lawyers

  Mr and Mrs Kavanagh, both lawyers, managed to squander their £3,000,000 fortune in disputes about their three children and the financial aspects of their separation. Whilst married for just 10 years, they then spent 5 years litigating and their combined legal costs were said to be £900,000! In a survey commissioned by Resolution in August 2012, 45% of Respondents thought “most divorces involve a visit to Court” and 40% agreed with the statement that “divorces can never be without...

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When the Ex is overseas and just not playing ball

Dear Suzy, Thank you for the free gift. I have a question which I am hoping you are able to assist. My soon to be ex husband lives overseas in the same country where most of our assets are. I filed for a divorce in this country and we both have UK solicitors. We have exchanged Form E – he sent me a few questions which I answered fully, but he refuses to satisfactorily answer the questions I sent him.  (In his opinion the questions were irreverent). Also a few months ago he proposed an...

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