Are Limiting Beliefs Preventing You From Divorcing?
There was an article written in the Telegraph about the financial implications of separating without legally doing so. It covered the legal situation that many people find themselves in by not proceeding with a divorce, even though they’d separated – some for many years.
There may be many reasons why someone does not want to go through the process of divorce. Quite often it is a fear of the unknown, or not wanting to rock the boat, as it were. However, underlying the reason there is likely to be a limiting belief that is really holding you back.
The following may help you to move through the block of taking the first step.
1. Get it out of your head
Often times, we are not really sure why we don’t want to take any action, although we feel a strong emotion not to address it. Yet, you probably are finding that when you think about it, thoughts run ten to the dozen around your head, playing out each and every scenario and outcome. Before you know it you have so many conflicting thoughts running around your mind, that you feel overwhelmed. This in turn can make you believe that the whole process of divorce will be overwhelming. It doesn’t need to be like this, and to help you make sense of the situation, you may find it helps to see everything written down.
- Take a piece of paper and start scribbling everything that comes to mind about the whole situation. A good tip would be to set a timer for 10 minutes and write non stop for that time. It’s important that you don’t stop to analyse, justify or work out solutions; this will come later.
- Now go back over everything you have written down and put a ‘+’ next to those that will be positive for you and a ‘-‘ next to those that are a negative.
- Transfer all the positives onto one piece of paper and then do the same for the negatives.
2. Be Honest About Your Lists
Often when you are faced with a major life change, it will make you feel uncertain, scared or even fearful of what is to come. From a biological perspective there is a reason for this. There is a part of your brain, called the Reptilian brain, that is designed to keep you safe. And it doesn’t like change, as it will perceive it as a threat to your survival. Obviously, it is unlikely that you will die as a result of making the decision to legally finalise your separation, but your Reptilian brain doesn’t know that. Therefore you need to let it know that you are safe, and the best way to achieve that is to create a sense of control over your situation.
- Starting with your negative list, establish whether each item is a real concern or a perceived concern. For example a real concern might be: under a pre-nuptial agreement, the house you are living in will no longer be yours. On the other hand, a perceived concern might be: I’ll come out with nothing from a divorce. The idea here is to identify which are facts, and which are emotional fears.
- For each of the items that you have identified as a fact, write down who you need to speak with to find out more about how a divorce will impact you in this area. From the example above, with a pre-nuptial agreement, you may need to speak with a solicitor.
- For each emotional fear, now that you have written them down, do they feel less threatening? What do you notice about all these fears? Do you notice a pattern? Is there something you can change now to reduce these fears?
People choose not to legally separate for a variety of reasons. Yet, many of these stem from a fear that is buried deep in their subconscious mind. If these fears are still causing you to hold off from proceeding with a legal separation, you may benefit from working with a professional who specialises in supporting people through the emotional impact before, during and after a Divorce.
Louise K. Shaw is an Energy Psychologist & Intuitive Coach who specialises in enhancing the emotional wellbeing of people affected by a major life event or illness. She offers a complimentary, no-obligation initial consultation to support you to make the right next step.