Forgiveness Heals post divorce
All over the world you have people who either help you before you get married, or after you get married.
But what about when you get divorced?
“If you are considering divorce, the kind of things that you need to look at – the finances, the property, the children – teaching you how to not be too emotional during your divorce process, these are all the areas that a divorce coach can help you with. And then after the divorce, after you’ve signed on the dotted line, and it’s the shock of knowing it’s really happened – “Now I’m really all on my own” – either with the kids or not – coaching is about helping you to recover and to get back on your feet.
That’s what I specialise in, in terms of divorce recovery coaching and re-invention mentoring. I’m certified with the ICA, also recognised by the ICF (International Coaching Federation). I don’t just know the theory – I don’t only have a legal background and an MBA – but I’ve actually lived the life of getting a divorce.
I’ve been through that whole journey of considering whether to get divorced, of being domestically abused, of trying to figure out “Do I leave my husband, or do I not”, and when he eventually left me, it was like “Wow, OK – now what do I do?”.
All those thought processes – how to protect my children, how to ensure that they have healthy self esteem, and they don’t feel that their life is in a mess because of whatever decisions their parents have made. And also realising that although there are people who go through this journey and they are bitter and say they would never forgive, they can’t move on, and that’s normal and I’m not judging that – but what was to be my choice? Was I going to stay in that place of bitterness?
“Don’t Be Bitter – be Better!”
For me, I’m all for forgiveness. I’ve got a fantastic workshop that I run called ‘Forgive and Let Go”. It’s not about your partner and what they did or didn’t do – it’s about you. Forgiveness is a choice. You can either forgive, or decide not to forgive and live in bitterness. I always say, “rather than be Bitter – be Better!” Let that situation that you’ve gone through, that trauma, that terrible thing that he’s done to you or you may have done to him – and lay it to rest. Forget about the blame game. It’s about being able to forgive yourself – that’s even more important than forgiving the other party. Being able to forgive yourself for the mistakes you might have made, from the decisions you might have made or not made, because if you forgive yourself, you are really going to be able to move on.
The coaching recovery course that I did, and that I am now certified to teach, really helped me through that journey. I thought that I was OK, then I realised that I was really far from OK!
What I would advise is that if you do decide to go down this recovery journey, make sure you have someone that is certified – has the proper qualifications – and someone who has actually lived in your shoes and who will understand the nuances of having to come out of a relationship. Someone who will really understand what it means to transition from being a ‘we’ to a ‘me’.
Suddenly you go from children with six place settings at the table to just me and the kids. How do you manage parents evenings? How do you communicate with your ex spouse, or you ‘Wasband’, to talk about the issues around the children?
Do you do joint parenting, co-parenting, do you do single parenting? There is a whole raft of things that you need to consider.”
Contact Zina now for a no-cost no-obligation conversation
about how she can help you to believe and live and again!