Feeling Compassion For Your Ex: Sandie Martel
Feeling compassion for your Ex may not always be easy – but not impossible.
Sandie Martel tells us how it can be done in this interview with Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller:
“Feeling Compassion For Your Ex….
You are probably reading this and thinking I must have completely lost it.
Well actually, I haven’t. I am feeling great.
Of course compassion was not on the menu and if it had been, I probably would not have chosen it. But it suddenly appeared, when all the thoughts of how my ex should have behaved dropped.
And if that’s happened to me, trust me, it can happen to you.
That said, I have never wanted to create any problem between us, however, even though I felt I had moved on, there still were some nagging issues that kept coming up, such as ‘what he did to me’, ‘how could he?’, ‘so unfair’, etc. So I was still attached to the poor me syndrome for 3 long years, without really noticing it, preventing me from truly moving on.
But as I came to understand a simple misunderstanding of how life and the mind actually work, all these thoughts dropped and I was left with nothing less than compassion for my ex. It felt a bit unsettling to start with but I am fine with it now. So if you want to feel real freedom, let me explain to you a bit about that misunderstanding. It is something you probably have not heard of, but this is the source of all the issues we think we have in life.
The issues we have around previous relationships are varied. Some are still living in the past, wishing the separation had never happened, others cannot stand the idea of meeting their ex, which can be a problem when you have kids together etc. We tend to think that circumstances or people can make us feel a certain way. I don’t blame you, it looks and feels so real! I was thinking that my ex was responsible for our break-up and my state of mind, even though I knew that I had my responsibilities too.
However, what actually happens is that we see life through thought. And feelings and thought are just one, they are inseparable. So it might look like your ex is making you feel a certain way, but it actually is not possible. We are all living in the feeling of thought taking form moment to moment. What is outside of you has no power over how you feel. You are creating the experience. Through thought. Innocently. This is just how it works.
Your ex cannot make you feel angry. If it was the case, your ex would make everyone feel angry. And sometimes you feel more or less angry. You see, it is only moment to moment. And the feeling can only come from you, and more specifically from thought taking form in the moment.
Thought is like a projector, and this is how you see life.
The moment you deeply understand that, magic starts to happen, like it did for me.
Unnecessary thoughts just drop and you are left with great feelings, yes even compassion. Because this is who we really are. Feeling great is our natural state. What is keeping you from feeling great is not your ex, it is just thought. And I understand you might think this is an audacious statement. Of course I don’t know your ex. I am not saying he or she is not doing anything wrong. But I am not looking at behaviours. I am looking at thought and feelings. Chances are your ex is also caught up in this misunderstanding, the impression that you and the outside world are creating his feelings too. Innocently. Just like you.
The moment I understood that, everything just changed. Yes I was innocent. And he was psychologically innocent too. Completely. We all make mistakes because we are human, it is so important to remember that. And I will keep making mistakes, so will he, and you, and your ex.
But deepen your understanding of how life really works, and watch your life transform. Instantly. Effortlessly. And you’ll start seeing the innocence in people. And compassion is already there, waiting for you to uncover it.
Make this year the one when your life and relationships transform. For good.
Wishing you a wonderful year!”
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