Divorce Coaching and Better CoParenting
My biggest inspiration has been my children. They have been the most important thing in my life so far. To me children are a gift, and with that gift comes a responsibility from the person who receives them, to make sure that your children are given the best opportunities in life, so that they grow into well-adjusted, well-functioning adults.
My inspiration for working with couples as a relationship coach is that I know how traumatic divorce and separation can be. I just want to help other couples to deal with it in a way that will allow them to suffer the least amount of emotional upheaval. That way the children retain their sense of security, with a loving relationship with both parents.
Where coaching can be helpful with that, is that it can help you to look at the other person’s behaviour and how it affects you, how it makes you feel. It can help you to look at different ways of reacting, and what results can come from that. If your reaction changes to the other parent, that will affect how they will react to you, because they will be expecting you to act in a certain way, and when you don’t, that kind of brings them up short, and they think: “Oh… wait, he didn’t take the bait, how come?”
So it can be very useful in helping you to change the whole situation from a volatile situation into – not necessarily an amicable one – but one that allows you to maintain some sort of control of the situation, because often when we are angry it’s because we have lost control, and that’s where the anger is coming from. If you can just feel: “I was able to keep myself calm, and still get what I wanted” – that leaves you with a great sense of satisfaction. And the children are spared the upheaval that comes with parents who are in conflict with each other.
I think that if I had access to coaching when I was experiencing marital difficulties, I don’t think it would have taken me as long as I did to leave the relationship. No matter how hard I tried to fix the marriage, I wasn’t going to be able to fix what was wrong, because we both had a part to play in the relationship. I got to the point after many counselling sessions of realising that it wasn’t all his fault, and it wasn’t all my fault either – but we both had a part to play.
I think if I had had coaching available to me at that time, I don’t think it would have taken so long for me to come to that point of realisation. It would have helped me realise much sooner what part I was playing in the dynamic of the relationship, and that it was time to let go.
“To thine own self be true…the truth is within you!”
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift…that’s why it’s called the present”
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