“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” - Online Divorce Advice II How to divorce amicably
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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

You are now separated.  Your ex is in a new relationship. You know that your kids will go and spend some time at weekends with this new woman.

What is the best way to deal with that situation? Please read too if you are the ‘new woman’ as the same applies.

Become the new woman’s worst enemy? Ignore that woman, even though you know that your kids will spend a significant amount of time with her?

 

Why? Why would you do that?

 

Well it’s not that simple. No, wait. Let’s put it this way: it does not look simple.

But to me that is an illusion.

To me it simply does not make sense to treat another human being in a disrespectful way, whatever disrespectful means to you.

OK, your ex may now be with someone new, and you might not be. So what?

OK, this woman is the woman he left you for… Etc.

Whatever your reasons, why would you want to spend your precious time thinking about what she might have ‘done to you’, how disrespectful she might be and so on?

The more you see ‘what is’ as a problem, the less you’ll be able to think clearly on the actual situation.

Do not make assumptions, she might think you are the worst ex ever, so what? Don’t make it a personal issue, it has actually nothing to do with you. It is all happening in the other person’s mind, just like the story in your own mind about her.

It is all made up.

I am not saying that things have not happened, but the way you think about it or understand it gives you a very personal take on the situation. And yes, this is what we all do. That’s why it looks so difficult.

But what if there was another way? What if you were not affected by anyone else’s actions or words?

Wouldn’t that be great to be able to live fully without fearing other people’s judgements and without judging them either? Think about it for a moment.

 

To me this is liberating!

 

You always have a choice. And if you think the choice is way too difficult, understand that you are always living in the feeling of your thinking, moment to moment. Circumstances and people cannot make you feel anything, it is all coming from within. The more you get to understand that, the better your life will be.

Can we please stop that ‘ex-wife vs. new girlfriend’ war?

Just reach out to her and say hi. You don’t have to be friends, but you should not try and pretend she does not exist, because you definitely know she exists in your kids’ world, nor should you attack her for anything you think she might have done or said. The only person affected is you.

It is obviously only a suggestion, don’t take my word for it. But give it a try.

And if it seems too hard, there are coaches out there to help you find that harmony, which is already within, you just need to wake up to it. 


Be-OK-Theraphy, sandie matel, stress anxiety kent TN, therapy kent TN, wellbeing kent TN, coaching kent TN

Sandi Martel: Papillon Therapy

Free 1 hour Breakthrough Session

(usual value £75)

and see the benefits for yourself

 
 
 

Contact me now for a no obligation chat to find out more:

Sandie Martel  smartel@papillontherapy.co.uk

 

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2 Comments

  1. Wonderful thoughts! I’ve been teaching my stepfamily couples the same basic idea for 18 years, with one added incentive: “that woman” is now a caregiver for your child. It is in your best interest and that of your child to create a positive connection with her. If she’s a jerk, or your ex is a jerk, but you behave like a mature adult, your child will see the difference and learn from it. The way I put it is, “Bless the hell out of her so there’ll be none to retaliate back onto your child.”
    Thank you for helping families!

  2. Thanks for this useful article. I like the tone and the message. We need to strive to get along in this world, especially for the sake of our kids. Let’s role model civility, respect for others and personal empowerment. We can let go, forgive, move on and create a better future for ourselves and our family when we’re not bogged down with hatred, resentment, anger and other debilitating emotions!

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