Any negative divorce will always impact our future happiness and any future relationship we truly deserve. Our past will undoubtedly be carried forward into our future unless we take time to get clear about the obstacles holding us back, that we will keep repeating again and again. Unfortunately this is the harsh reality following any nasty divorce. We may consciously think we are ready to date again when the timing is right, but subconsciously we will sabotage any new relationship as it...
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Are you training for a sprint or marathon? PAINFUL BEGINNINGS When you are separating, going through a divorce or rebuilding your life again, you may be thinking, love will never happen again, or you really don’t want another relationship right now, because of the pain, heartache, and challenges you are working through. If you have children, their welfare will be something else on your mind. Let’s face it – splitting up is never going to be fun – and it may have you living one day at...
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What are the symptoms that can affect people who are going through a divorce? Life itself is stressful enough without the added stress caused by marital breakdown. Common symptoms that I witness as a life coach and hypnotherapist often supporting people through their divorce stress, are worry and anxiety about the future (financially and emotionally) which often leads to erratic sleep patterns. When sleep is lacking it often leads to irritability, frustration, lack of energy and problems...
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My biggest inspiration has been my children. They have been the most important thing in my life so far. To me children are a gift, and with that gift comes a responsibility from the person who receives them, to make sure that your children are given the best opportunities in life, so that they grow into well-adjusted, well-functioning adults. My inspiration for working with couples as a relationship coach is that I know how traumatic divorce and separation can be. I just want to help other...
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3 Top Tips for Co-Parents After Separation – with Eileen Howey There are three Top Tips I would like to offer to parents who are separating or co-parenting. First of all, don’t put the children in the middle. It’s important that they are protected from the breakup process and that you keep them separate your negative feelings about the situation. My second top tip, if for you to understand that you are going to parent differently. When the children are at one parent’s house they...
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Fantastic news – and proof that sanity does eventually (begin to) prevail in the world of Divorce and Families: As a result of the Child First Campaign bringing the issue of survivors of domestic abuse being cross examined by their abusers in the family courts and the subsequent Guardian investigation into the issue, the Government have announced an emergency review to find the quickest way to ban abusive ex-partners from cross examining their victims. Women’s Aid say that:...
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There’s something magical about family holidays like Christmas and Easter that encourage people to bring joy to others. It’s one of my absolute favourite times of the year where my family and extended family traditionally come together to give thanks. But has the reality of Christmas or Easter without the ‘perfect family’ hit home for you this year – or for someone you know and love? Is there a husband and wife who are dancing to different tunes – out of step...
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There are so many ways to cope with the loss of a relationship, but some of them will just leave you feeling worse. In this interview with Transformation Coach and author of “The Single Mum’s Survival Guide“, Vivienne Smith shares a few examples or how we deal with relationship breakdown, and what better choices we can make: Denial You assure everyone you are fine but you realise that you are drinking too much, eating too much or laughing just a little too loudly....
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Is your Ex following you through social media and the internet? Social media is a wonderful tool for staying in contact, finding clients and suppliers, and on a social level, sharing informative and fun videos. But there is also a dark side to social media – one that as a divorcee you need to be aware of. I discovered how vulnerable I was to my horror, when my ex of 22 years used social media and my website to harass me. It is not pleasant to receive an email or comments on a blog from...
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The Four Stages of Divorce There are 4 stages to a divorce – the initial decision of should I or shouldn’t I? Telling your partner… Sorting out the practicalities of a divorce… And finally the divorce itself. Each stage has an impact on you both emotionally – and financially. All four stages can be supported by a qualified coach to make each stage less challenging and to ensure that you make the right decisions. First stage of divorce What triggers the first stage...
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Life Coach Zina Arinze talks about the conflicts between Faith and Divorce, if your faith says that divorce is ‘wrong’. How do you deal with that? “I believe most Christians agree that marriage is supposed to be forever. But when you find yourself separated, divorced or going through the process, how do you deal with the aftermath?” A Divorced Christian Single Mum, Zina Arinze, has struggled with this dilemma, and learned so much from the process that she now coaches...
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You are not alone: Did you know that even though swans usually mate for life, sometimes they still ‘divorce’? Divorce & family breakup is an emotional & psychological journey, more than a legal & financial one. What you feel will directly effect how you act: your pain, anger, fear or sense of hopelessness is all quite natural. How do I keep myself sane through all this? I think we all go a little crazy during big life changes like divorce & separation, so...
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Will divorce really harm my children? No-one wants their kids to be used as weapons in an adversarial divorce – yet so many families fall into that trap. Your children can grow up as happy as everyone else’s kids – despite the divorce. But let’s be aware of the consequences if we get it wrong….. Listen to Catherine’s story….. Want to reduce the toxic effects of divorce on your kids? Use the Alternative Divorce Guide to create your own map for navigating...
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Zina Arinze of Believe and Live Again shares her views on how divorce coaching can differ from traditional counselling: “One of the things that people need to understand is that there is a difference between being a coach, being a mentor, and being a therapist or a councillor. Now a councillor will help you to uncover what’s happened in the past. You might have some hidden issues from your childhood. that have really formed you, and developed you, and made you who you are...
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Most separating parents ask themselves their own version of this question. The main thing to remember here is that your daughter needs all the support she can have to carry on having loving relationship with her dad. So how much you are going to tell her will depend on whether the situation between yourself and her dad affected her life directly or not. Let’s start with an easier scenario: if the happenings between the two of you were quite contained, she does not need to know the...
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I am a child psychologist Una Archer and I help divorcing mums to do whatever they need to do so that their children feel just as loved, secure and comfortable in their own skin as before the divorce and sometimes even more so. Helping children feel safe is the most direct way of preventing and resolving any issues that the divorce can cause for them. Having had the privilege to witness the journey of a fair few mums I noticed that there are some ideas that seem to be floating in our culture...
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Leading London-based Theta healer Debbie Talalay of Deborah Talalay Healing, empowers her clients who have been held back by a fear of rejection, through her affordable videos and energy-based healing. For those who have been through a divorce or separation, that sense of rejection can be very difficult to shift without the use of Debbie’s healing techniques. “Fear of rejection – this plagues most of us at some time or other in our lives, and yet there is such a simple way...
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How can I help my child to manage their disappointment when the other parent does not show up to see them? Una Archer MBPsS is a child psychologist who shares practical advice on how to deal with a very stressful and upsetting common co-parenting situation: It is a good idea to address your own disappointment first: you might have been looking forward to the break or had some other plans for this time that you will have to cancel at a very short notice and do something completely...
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All over the world you have people who either help you before you get married, or after you get married. But what about when you get divorced? Zina Arinze of Believe and Live Again talks about the power of divorce coaching and how forgiveness can be a catalyst for moving on. “If you are considering divorce, the kind of things that you need to look at – the finances, the property, the children – teaching you how to not be too emotional during your divorce process,...
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Zina Arinze of Believe and Live Again is a career woman who knows how tough it is to get divorced and hold down a high level job at the same time. One of the reasons I love what I do is because it’s my story. I am a mother and a professional. My first degree was in Law, I have an MBA and I was married to a doctor. We were one of those ‘professional couples’. I work as a project management consultant in high pressure jobs, and when I was going through my divorce it...
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Professional women typically wear a mask. I know I used to wear a mask and hide my true emotions. We feel we are not allowed to be vulnerable. If you hold a high postion in the workplace you feel that you are not allowed to be emotional or to show any vulnerability. Your boss or director may feel that you can’t hold it together and you may feel that you could lose your job, as you are seen as someone who may threaten the bottom line of the organsiation, because you have...
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If you’re a woman and you’re the one who has been deserted – it’s difficult to feel good about yourself. Is it my weight – have I gone to seed? Is that why he’s left me? Or – he left me to look after the kids – so I gave up my career and now he finds me boring. It’s so unfair! Or – I’m stuck at home and he’s out in the world – meeting glamorous people. I’ll never forgive him. Once you’ve got over the shock – and if the relationship really can’t be mended – take a good look at yourself. Have...
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Feeling compassion for your Ex may not always be easy – but not impossible. Sandie Martel tells us how it can be done in this interview with Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller: “Feeling Compassion For Your Ex…. You are probably reading this and thinking I must have completely lost it. Well actually, I haven’t. I am feeling great. Of course compassion was not on the menu and if it had been, I probably would not have chosen it. But it suddenly appeared, when all the...
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In this interview with Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller, Life Coach Sandie Martel shares a story of how she transformed her relationship with her strong-willed 5 year old. Letting go There is something very liberating when you stop wanting people to change or to change people. We get easily annoyed when people are not acting the way we would like them to. We have so many expectations about just anything and anyone. We often think that life would be so much easier if only our ex-partner...
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Coach Joy Fahey of New Beginnings explains in this short video and accompanying article, how coaching helps people deal with the changes brought through divorce and family breakup. “When you realise that it is the end of your relationship it can tend to leave you feeling desperate and fearful. This is quite normal and having a coach helps you cope with these emotional feelings and supports you through the process of the breakup. Coaching will help you re align yourself to the new...
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You are now separated. Your ex is in a new relationship. You know that your kids will go and spend some time at weekends with this new woman. What is the best way to deal with that situation? Please read too if you are the ‘new woman’ as the same applies. Become the new woman’s worst enemy? Ignore that woman, even though you know that your kids will spend a significant amount of time with her? Why? Why would you do that? Well it’s not that simple. No, wait. Let’s put it this way: it does...
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It was wonderful to be interviewed on Radio 4 Woman’s Hour about getting on well with my Ex and his wife – but why is it that this should be seen as unusual rather than the norm? Shouldn’t family lawyers – especially those engaged in dispute resolution – also begin to question their own views and expectations about how their clients deal with their divorce, and perhaps change their perception of what is ‘normal’ when divorcing? It makes sense to...
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Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller interviews Joy Fahey of New Beginnings Coaching, about the role that coaching can play when you are dealing with divorce lawyers. The Importance of Coaching when Speaking to Your Lawyer “When you first visit your lawyer it’s beneficial to have a clear decision of what you want to do, and coaching can help you to achieve this. It can also help you be less emotional when looking at the facts and figures and what needs to be done. This allows the...
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Considering divorce? Think again! My ex-husband and I separated in 2011 after 18 years together and got divorced in 2014. I don’t necessarily want to go into too much details but I’d like you to have an idea of what we have been through and the reason I do that is that I’d like you to really consider all your options before making your mind up. Most options are often considered – counselling, trying to get your problems solved etc. However there is one option I was not aware of when...
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