Coaching support through divorce Archives - Online Divorce Advice II How to divorce amicably
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Child First Campaign to prevent abusive ex-partners cross examining their victims in court

Child First Campaign to prevent abusive ex-partners cross examining their victims in court

  Fantastic news – and proof that sanity does eventually (begin to) prevail in the world of Divorce and Families:  As a result of the Child First Campaign bringing the issue of survivors of domestic abuse being cross examined by their abusers in the family courts and the subsequent Guardian investigation into the issue, the Government have announced an emergency review to find the quickest way to ban abusive ex-partners from cross examining their victims. Women’s Aid say...

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When Your Confidence and Until Death Do Us Part are Dancing to a Different Beat – by Dee Burrowes

When Your Confidence and Until Death Do Us Part are Dancing to a Different Beat – by Dee Burrowes

  There’s something magical about family holidays like Christmas and Easter that encourage people to bring joy to others. It’s one of my absolute favourite times of the year where my family and extended family traditionally come together to give thanks. But has the reality of Christmas or Easter without the ‘perfect family’ hit home for you this year – or for someone you know and love?  Is there a husband and wife who are dancing to different tunes – out of...

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Wallowing in Misery, or Wading Through to the Other Side? By Vivienne Smith

Wallowing in Misery, or Wading Through to the Other Side?  By Vivienne Smith

  There are so many ways to cope with the loss of a relationship, but some of them will just leave you feeling worse.   In this interview with Transformation Coach and author of “The Single Mum’s Survival Guide“, Vivienne Smith shares a few examples or how we deal with relationship breakdown, and what better choices we can make:     Denial   You assure everyone you are fine but you realise that you are drinking too much, eating too much or laughing...

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Protecting your privacy after your divorce from social media harassment: Karen Bashford

Protecting your privacy after your divorce from social media harassment: Karen Bashford

Is your Ex following you through social media and the internet? Social media is a wonderful tool for staying in contact, finding clients and suppliers, and on a social level, sharing informative and fun videos. But there is also a dark side to social media – one that as a divorcee you need to be aware of. I discovered how vulnerable I was to my horror, when my ex of 22 years used social media and my website to harass me. It is not pleasant to receive an email or comments on a blog from...

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Is divorce the right choice? by Karen Bashford

Is divorce the right choice? by Karen Bashford

  The Four Stages of Divorce   There are 4 stages to a divorce – the initial decision of should I or shouldn’t I?  Telling your partner… Sorting out the practicalities of a divorce… And finally the divorce itself.   Each stage has an impact on you both emotionally – and financially.  All four stages can be supported by a qualified coach to make each stage less challenging and to ensure that you make the right decisions.   First stage of divorce...

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Divorce and Faith

Divorce and Faith

  Life Coach Zina Arinze talks about the conflicts between Faith and Divorce, if your faith says that divorce is ‘wrong’.  How do you deal with that?     “I believe most Christians agree that marriage is supposed to be forever. But when you find yourself separated, divorced or going through the process, how do you deal with the aftermath?”     A Divorced Christian Single Mum, Zina Arinze, has struggled with this dilemma, and learned so much...

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It’s not just about talking to lawyers when divorcing……

It’s not just about talking to lawyers when divorcing……

  You are not alone:   Did you know that even though swans usually mate for life, sometimes they still ‘divorce’? Divorce & family breakup is an emotional & psychological journey, more than a legal & financial one.   What you feel will directly effect how you act: your pain, anger, fear or sense of hopelessness is all quite natural.       How do I keep myself sane through all this?   I think we all go a little crazy during big life changes...

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Weapons of War – children and divorce

Weapons of War – children and divorce

  Will divorce really harm my children?   No-one wants their kids to be used as weapons in an adversarial divorce – yet so many families fall into that trap. Your children can grow up as happy as everyone else’s kids – despite the divorce.  But let’s be aware of the consequences if we get it wrong…..   Listen to Catherine’s story…..       Want to reduce the toxic effects of divorce on your kids?   Use the Alternative Divorce Guide...

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Divorce Coaching is not the same as Counselling

Divorce Coaching is not the same as Counselling

  Zina Arinze of Believe and Live Again shares her views on how divorce coaching can differ from traditional counselling: “One of the things that people need to understand is that there is a difference between being a coach, being a mentor, and being a therapist or a councillor.  Now a councillor will help you to uncover what’s happened in the past.  You might have some hidden issues from your childhood. that have really formed you, and developed you, and made you who you are...

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How much truth can I tell my daughter about her father?

How much truth can I tell my daughter about her father?

Most separating parents ask themselves their own version of this question. The main thing to remember here is that your daughter needs all the support she can have to carry on having loving relationship with her dad. So how much you are going to tell her will depend on whether the situation between yourself and her dad affected her life directly or not. Let’s start with an easier scenario: if the happenings between the two of you were quite contained, she does not need to know the...

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3 Myths that Scare Divorcing Mums

3 Myths that Scare Divorcing Mums

I am a child psychologist Una Archer and I help divorcing mums to do whatever they need to do so that their children feel just as loved, secure and comfortable in their own skin as before the divorce and sometimes even more so. Helping children feel safe is the most direct way of preventing and resolving any issues that the divorce can cause for them. Having had the privilege to witness the journey of a fair few mums I noticed that there are some ideas that seem to be floating in our culture...

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Overcoming Rejection Post Divorce

Overcoming Rejection Post Divorce

Leading London-based Theta healer Debbie Talalay of Deborah Talalay Healing, empowers her clients who have been held back by a fear of rejection, through her affordable videos and energy-based healing.  For those who have been through a divorce or separation, that sense of rejection can be very difficult to shift without the use of Debbie’s healing techniques. “Fear of rejection – this plagues most of us at some time or other in our lives, and yet there is such a simple way...

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My child’s co-parent hasn’t turned up – again!

My child’s co-parent hasn’t turned up – again!

  How can I help my child to manage their disappointment when the other parent does not show up to see them?   Una Archer MBPsS is a child psychologist who shares practical advice on how to deal with a very stressful and upsetting common co-parenting situation:     It is a good idea to address your own disappointment first: you might have been looking forward to the break or had some other plans for this time that you will have to cancel at a very short notice and do...

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Forgiveness Heals post divorce

Forgiveness Heals post divorce

  All over the world you have people who either help you before you get married, or after you get married.   But what about when you get divorced?     Zina Arinze of Believe and Live Again talks about the power of divorce coaching and how forgiveness can be a catalyst for moving on.   “If you are considering divorce, the kind of things that you need to look at – the finances, the property, the children – teaching you how to not be too emotional during...

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Divorce in the Workplace part 2

Divorce in the Workplace part 2

  Zina Arinze of Believe and Live Again is a career woman who knows how tough it is to get divorced and hold down a high level job at the same time.     One of the reasons I love what I do is because it’s my story.  I am a mother and a professional.  My first degree was in Law, I have an MBA and I was married to a doctor.  We were one of those ‘professional couples’.  I work as a project management consultant in high pressure jobs, and when I was going through...

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Divorce in the workplace part one with Zina Arinze

Divorce in the workplace part one with Zina Arinze

    Professional women typically wear a mask.  I know I used to wear a mask and hide my true emotions.   We feel we are not allowed to be vulnerable.  If you hold a high postion in the workplace you feel that you are not allowed to be emotional or to show any vulnerability.    Your boss or director may feel that you can’t hold it together and you may feel that you could lose your job, as you are seen as someone who may threaten the bottom line of the...

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He’s left me so I must be worthless!

He’s left me so I must be worthless!

If you’re a woman and you’re the one who has been deserted – it’s difficult to feel good about yourself. Is it my weight – have I gone to seed? Is that why he’s left me? Or – he left me to look after the kids – so I gave up my career and now he finds me boring. It’s so unfair! Or – I’m stuck at home and he’s out in the world – meeting glamorous people. I’ll never forgive him.   Once you’ve got over the shock – and if the relationship really can’t be mended – take a good look at yourself....

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Feeling Compassion For Your Ex: Sandie Martel

Feeling Compassion For Your Ex: Sandie Martel

Feeling compassion for your Ex may not always be easy – but not impossible. Sandie Martel tells us how it can be done in this interview with Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller:   “Feeling Compassion For Your Ex…. You are probably reading this and thinking I must have completely lost it. Well actually, I haven’t. I am feeling great. Of course compassion was not on the menu and if it had been, I probably would not have chosen it. But it suddenly appeared, when all the...

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Changing People: with Life Coach Sandie Martel

Changing People: with Life Coach Sandie Martel

In this interview with Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller, Life Coach Sandie Martel  shares a story of how she transformed her relationship with her strong-willed 5 year old.   Letting go There is something very liberating when you stop wanting people to change or to change people. We get easily annoyed when people are not acting the way we would like them to. We have so many expectations about just anything and anyone. We often think that life would be so much easier if only our...

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Your New Life After Divorce by Joy Fahey

Your New Life After Divorce by Joy Fahey

  Coach Joy Fahey of New Beginnings explains in this short video and accompanying article, how coaching helps people deal with the changes brought through divorce and family breakup. “When you realise that it is the end of your relationship it can tend to leave you feeling desperate and fearful. This is quite normal and having a coach helps you cope with these emotional feelings and supports you through the process of the breakup. Coaching will help you re align yourself to the new...

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

You are now separated.  Your ex is in a new relationship. You know that your kids will go and spend some time at weekends with this new woman. What is the best way to deal with that situation? Please read too if you are the ‘new woman’ as the same applies. Become the new woman’s worst enemy? Ignore that woman, even though you know that your kids will spend a significant amount of time with her?   Why? Why would you do that?   Well it’s not that simple. No, wait. Let’s put it this...

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Do lawyers need coaching to change their mindset?

Do lawyers need coaching to change their mindset?

It was wonderful to be interviewed on Radio 4 Woman’s Hour about getting on well with my Ex and his wife – but why is it that this should be seen as unusual rather than the norm? Shouldn’t family lawyers – especially those engaged in dispute resolution – also begin to question their own views and expectations about how their clients deal with their divorce, and perhaps change their perception of what is  ‘normal’ when divorcing? It makes sense to...

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The Importance of Coaching when Speaking to Your Lawyer: Joy Fahey

The Importance of Coaching when Speaking to Your Lawyer: Joy Fahey

Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller interviews Joy Fahey of New Beginnings Coaching, about the role that coaching can play when you are dealing with divorce lawyers.   The Importance of Coaching when Speaking to Your Lawyer   “When you first visit your lawyer it’s beneficial to have a clear decision of what you want to do, and coaching can help you to achieve this. It can also help you be less emotional when looking at the facts and figures and what needs to be done. This...

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Is divorce your only option?

Is divorce your only option?

  Considering divorce? Think again!   My ex-husband and I separated in 2011 after 18 years together and got divorced in 2014. I don’t necessarily want to go into too much details but I’d like you to have an idea of what we have been through and the reason I do that is that I’d like you to really consider all your options before making your mind up. Most options are often considered – counselling, trying to get your problems solved etc. However there is one option I was not...

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3 Pieces of Advice To Follow During the Divorce Process: Part 3

3 Pieces of Advice To Follow During the Divorce Process: Part 3

  Look After Yourself   The last piece of advice I would like to give in this series of three articles, is that you learn to love yourself and to take care of yourself   I know we lead such busy lives, going to work, running our own businesses, looking after the kids, the home, the car, making sure everything is in order… What about you? What do you actually do for yourself? Do you take time just for you (without feeling guilty!)? OK you might watch TV once in a while to relieve...

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3 Pieces of Advice To Follow During the Divorce Process: Part 2

3 Pieces of Advice To Follow During the Divorce Process: Part 2

Do I need to change lawyers?   Here is the second of 3 key pieces of advice taken from my personal story to help you cope with your divorce in the best possible manner     Change Lawyers If You Need To   Change lawyers if the one you hired does not meet your expectations. I know it can be costly but it could cost you so much more if you do not follow your guts on that. If the person you choose does not correspond to who you are and wants to influence you in a direction you...

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3 Pieces of Advice To Follow During the Divorce Process: Part 1

3 Pieces of Advice To Follow During the Divorce Process: Part 1

  Divorce can be a very messy and devastating experience   Here is the first of 3 key pieces of advice taken from my personal story to help you cope with your divorce in the best possible manner.   Take Your Time   The first thing you wish for when starting the process is a quick divorce, in the hope that it will help you start afresh sooner, so that you can finally leave the past where it belongs. We all want that. However, my advice to you is to take your time. Why?...

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Psychological Acupuncture – EFT reducing divorce stress

Psychological Acupuncture – EFT reducing divorce stress

In this interview with EFT expert Susan Cowe Miller, she explains to Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller, how EFT Tapping can help with divorce stress; one of life’s big emotional challenges. Divorce Stress is one of life’s big emotional challenges.  Feelings of frustration, anger, helplessness, injustice all come high on the list. A need for increased confidence, stronger self-worth and self-esteem seem necessary but sometimes they appear out of reach. I share here the first of two...

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