When Your Confidence and Until Death Do Us Part are Dancing to a Different Beat – by Dee Burrowes
There’s something magical about the Christmas holidays that encourages people to bring joy to others. It’s one of my absolute favourite times of the year where my family and extended family traditionally come together to give thanks.
But has the reality of Christmas without the ‘perfect family’ hit home for you this year – or for someone you know and love? Is there a husband and wife who are dancing to different tunes – out of step – and Christmas is that final realisation that they can no longer be partners? And how crushing is that to the confidence of both, who tried so hard to ‘make it work’ – but now the dance must end in divorce?
Everything was in perfect order, nothing out of place, from the Christmas tree, decorations, the yummy food perfumed through the kitchen and hallway. You anticipate the opening of the gifts and seeing smiling faces all around.
You dreamed of the perfect marriage and spend countless hours practicing the same steps almost like a routine so that when a competition or performance of life appears, movements are like reflexes and partners appear proud and confident in each movement.
“My beloved husband walked through the door and his mood completely changed when greeted. He spoke and confirmed my worst fears – that he wanted out and he is getting a divorce.”
The scenario above will cause great confusion, turmoil and upheaval. Such transitions are characterised by a range of emotions: ambiguity, ambivalence, power struggle, soul searching, and stress. The dream had been of a world of happiness and harmony – not one of blame and shame.
How can we learn new dance steps and rebuild our confidence with flair?
Are you navigating a divorce or separation (or helping someone else)? Are you open-minded, open-hearted and willing to heal without harnessing hatred or resentment? If so, you’ve come to the right place.
My mission is to inspire change in the way our culture views and approaches the divorce process. I envision family-centric Divorce Ceremonies taking the place of dramatic courtroom theatrics. And I have absolute faith that families can productively evolve, not destruct and dissolve, through the process.
Are you steering your way through a divorce where you’ve lacked open-mindedness and a willingness to heal without grudge or resentment? Such an approach embodies a choice to refuse to forgive and an unwillingness to bury the hatchet. Clinging to the need to be right instead of letting go, overrides the capacity to heal and find peace with oneself.
Adopting an approach to mindfulness and accepting your feeling without judgment can actively aid you to move on from your negative feelings quickly.
Positive emotions that evolve post-divorce will easily embrace the negative emotions that often seem to hang around way past their expiration date and cause havoc.
Contrary to how their seemingly effortless dance appears, dancers do not learn and polish a dance in one day or even a week. If we look at their process, they teach us a valuable lesson about being proud of ourselves and being confident. Just like a tango dancer, we must practice over many hours to learn how to be proud of ourselves.
With any dance, you start by learning the fundamentals. There are small, basic steps that the rest of the dance is built on. There are also simple steps you can start today to move towards the confident person you want to be tomorrow.
When a marriage or relationship ends it is never easy to carry on with the practice. The reason for the split can turn your whole world upside down and trigger painful and unsettling emotions. There are plenty of processes that can help to get through this challenging time and experiences aid you to grow into a more mature, stronger and wiser individual.
Having confidence in yourself helps you become better and stronger, diminishing thoughts that you are not good enough. Feeling focused about your next moves will improve your artistry and as a result will help you to realise your full potential.
Being in a place with your most focused mind and your truest spirit allows your consciousness into its highest level in coming to terms with the separation.
As a divorce launches into full force it takes you into uncharted territory, it disrupts your routine, relationships with family and friends and even your identity. It floors you with uncertainty about the family, financial connections and the future. What will the after effects be without your partner? Will you ever trust or love someone else? Will you end up alone for the rest of your life? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.
Just like tying the knot, getting un-married is as time-consuming with many procedures to follow and external services to connect with, which is not a leap to make without the guidance of a coach. With that guidance you can rebuild yourself and rediscover the confident, competent and courageous person you once were.
When a relationship ends, emotions always run high and if you do not have emotional support, the separation can become very overwhelming. Constant conflict with your spouse in addition to the financial negotiations, asset distribution and decisions of how to care for the children, are all steps that need to be negotiated.
Dancing can be a reflection of life and its beat where many moments of excitement, fear, great joy, pain and the past plays out rhythmically in our lives.
Many moments in your life you will be on stage displaying hopefully the most authentic you, sharing your emotions of happiness, love, inspiration and courage to the world. Giving your inner world and transforming your soul to your audience – accepting oneself without limitations or challenges.
‘Each moment will bring its own blessings’ …………..
So just dance!
Do you know that simply practicing good posture, whether sitting or standing, is a small and proven way to boost self-esteem? Not only will you breathe better, which makes your organs function better, but having your shoulders rolled back and head held high will make you feel more positive. Take a few minutes to evaluate how you are sitting now, and try taking a positive posture break for a few minutes while you read this post and see how you feel afterwards.
Another basic way to improve self-esteem is through words of affirmation about yourself, which you can write down in a journal. Identify and write down as many of your personal strengths as you can. You may be surprised at how many things you are great at – from being a caring family member to a hard worker. If you feel down on yourself, write down one or two of the strengths you are proudest of and revisit the journal later to write down more.
The healing process will not be easy however strategic actions need to be taken to help you recover and allow you to regain your true self.
To see the 5 steps to ensure your confidence and goals are dancing to the same tune, simply download “Be Proud Of Yourself!”
CLICK HERE: BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!
Your confidence may be causing you to sit out part of the great dance of life, but with a little help and by learning a few fundamentals, there is no stopping you from achieving your goals. Remember that like the tango, you must concentrate on practicing one small step each day to build a strong foundation. Before you know it, you will soon be moving in harmony with your true self, and the steps you take will be innate movements, propelling you to where you wish to be next.
As you go on your personal journey and learn your new steps, I will be here to coach you and guide you as you go. Most dancers have coaches, and I will be here to help you if you take a misstep or need help figuring out the next move.
What is one step you can take to boost self-confidence and regain your well-being to be proud of yourself?
My mission is simple. I help individuals to achieve positive, lasting change for themselves by building relationships with people and their teams. I help you make your life extraordinary by regaining self-love, self-esteem, self-worth and confidence with vigour and energy. With profound interest in exactly what makes individuals react the way they do negatively led me to studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). This innovative process aids communication to enable an individual to recode the way the brain responds to stimuli in manifesting new and better behaviours assisting clients to reduce their stress levels, change, identifying their self-sabotaging habits and overcoming limiting beliefs to achieve greater success. To eradicate self-criticism and replace it in believing in your greatness! Who you are – the real you – the inspired, loving, giving, caring, full of potential and the solution finder that is your true identity.
I will help you to live life on your terms where your habits, mindset and patterns holding you back. The shift on your perspective is now as all too often our dreams go unfulfilled.
Let’s begin today and schedule your 30 minutes strategy session.
Contact Dee at firstname.lastname@example.org.