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What happens to the children during divorce?

What happens to the children during divorce?

  “I think the most important thing for couples to realise is that the impact that they are going to have on their children during divorce is enormous.”     “All the research now shows that children survive divorce and adjust well if the parents act civilly and behave as friends. So the biggest mistake a lot of parents make, is that they get angry, rush off to the lawyers, rush off to court, and start a war.   I’ve had children come into my office...

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How do I get to see my kids after separation or divorce?

How do I get to see my kids after separation or divorce?

  “A question I’m often asked is ‘How do I get to see my children?’.   It’s not always a dad asking that question, but it is often.” That’s a really difficult one – because when one parent has been prevented, for whatever reason, whether rightly or (as is often the case) wrongly, it is very emotional and upsetting. It makes that parent who is being prevented from seeing their child, very very angry. The first thing that they usually...

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Keeping flexible when creating a child contact agreement

Keeping flexible when creating a child contact agreement

In this video interview by Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller, with Divorce Mediator John Stebbing of Stephen Rimmer LLP, John explains how creating a contact agreement can be a difficult area. The reason it’s difficult is because children grow – their needs change. You don’t want the couple concerned tied to an arrangement which isn’t in the interests of those children anymore. So, you need to have the right type of wording/paragraph that enables the agreement to...

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Making a Mediation Agreement legally binding

Making a Mediation Agreement legally binding

Something that clients often ask me, is that if you are the parent who isn’t getting contact with the children, then what’s the point of using mediation, since whatever agreement you reach, it is not immediately legally binding? “We can negotiate using mediation, but the other parent can just ignore what was agreed. How do I make sure that this doesn’t happen?” Something that I frequently advise, is that when you use mediation, you can create a parenting plan...

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Divorce in the Workplace part 2

Divorce in the Workplace part 2

  Zina Arinze of Believe and Live Again is a career woman who knows how tough it is to get divorced and hold down a high level job at the same time.     One of the reasons I love what I do is because it’s my story.  I am a mother and a professional.  My first degree was in Law, I have an MBA and I was married to a doctor.  We were one of those ‘professional couples’.  I work as a project management consultant in high pressure jobs, and when I was going through...

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Divorce in the workplace part one with Zina Arinze

Divorce in the workplace part one with Zina Arinze

    Professional women typically wear a mask.  I know I used to wear a mask and hide my true emotions.   We feel we are not allowed to be vulnerable.  If you hold a high postion in the workplace you feel that you are not allowed to be emotional or to show any vulnerability.    Your boss or director may feel that you can’t hold it together and you may feel that you could lose your job, as you are seen as someone who may threaten the bottom line of the...

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Champion of Justice Award 2014 – Samantha Jago of RHW Solicitors!

Champion of Justice Award 2014 – Samantha Jago of RHW Solicitors!

One of the winners in 2014 of the Champion of Justice Award was Alternative Divorce Directory Mediator Samantha Jago of RHW Solicitors…..  and a very proud and happy winner she was too, as you can see!   Samantha received her reward for her dedicated service to her local Citizens’ Advice Bureau where she has offered pro-bono legal advice for many years. Because Samantha is an experienced mediator, an added bonus to the people of the Guildford area is that they are receiving...

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He’s left me so I must be worthless!

He’s left me so I must be worthless!

If you’re a woman and you’re the one who has been deserted – it’s difficult to feel good about yourself. Is it my weight – have I gone to seed? Is that why he’s left me? Or – he left me to look after the kids – so I gave up my career and now he finds me boring. It’s so unfair! Or – I’m stuck at home and he’s out in the world – meeting glamorous people. I’ll never forgive him.   Once you’ve got over the shock – and if the relationship really can’t be mended – take a good look at yourself....

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EFT Helplessness Part 2: Feeling Stronger

EFT Helplessness Part 2: Feeling Stronger

  Once the ghastly emotional trauma of a marriage ending and the divorce proceedings being started, there may be an opportunity for some dust to settle. Realisations take place and there is a change of perception from the confidence or acceptance of a marriage to the raw awareness of failure or abandonment. Strong feelings of sadness, rage or injustice often dictate during this difficult transition time. However decisions need to be made and life does go on. This blog and video is for...

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3 Tips on how to Divorce more collaboratively

3 Tips on how to Divorce more collaboratively

You don’t need to be friends with your Ex   Most people who are getting a divorce or ending a cohabiting relationship are not the best of friends when they split.  But sometimes the relationship can be very amicable, and that makes the divorce/separation process much less expensive and stressful.  In such cases the collaborative process – where both the couple have a collaboratively trained lawyer to sit with them and give advice, but who engage together with the couple in a...

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Shuttle Mediation during divorce

Shuttle Mediation during divorce

In this interview with Family Mediator Wendy Still, she reveals how even couples who cannot bear to be in the same room as each other, can still access mediation using ‘shuttle mediation’:     “A number of clients are very nervous about mediation, not the process itself, but being in the same room as their former partner/wife/husband, after some time of not seeing them.  There can also be issues of domestic violence which prevent the “normal” type of mediation being...

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Divorce First Aid for Employees interview with Suzy Miller

Divorce First Aid for Employees interview with Suzy Miller

Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller talks about Divorce First Aid for Employees in this podcast interview with Single Mums’ Survival Guide author and transformational coach Vivienne Smith:     “Family breakup and divorce has significant health consequences both physically and emotionally, and therefore it is vital that co-workers and managers have a basic understanding on how to deliver “First Aid” in the form of guidance, access to resources, and a non-judgemental...

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Mediator John Stebbing interviewed by Vivienne Smith

Mediator John Stebbing interviewed by Vivienne Smith

John Stebbing of Stephen Rimmer LLP talks about “Divorcing with Style” using mediation, in this podcast interview with Single Mums’ Survival Guide author and transformational coach Vivienne Smith:     Divorce Mediator John Stebbing of Stephen Rimmer LLP, explains why using divorce Mediation instead of the Courts is a wise choice, and illustrates this with a moving tale of a divorcing couple where the father is being denied access to his 3 children.  The children had...

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When your Ex doesn’t want to use mediation to divorce

When your Ex doesn’t want to use mediation to divorce

In this interview with Family Mediator Wendy Still, she reveals how even the most negative divorce mediation clients can discover the powerful benefits of using this particular route through divorce: “Some clients come to mediation, not necessarily because they want to, but rather because their own solicitor has told them “they have to”. Of course, before issuing any application for financial relief or for an Order under the Children Act in private law proceedings, trying mediation first is a...

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Some home truths about Divorce Mediation

Some home truths about Divorce Mediation

Family Mediator Samantha Jago of RHW Solicitors gives us some clear home truths about divorce mediation in this short video interview. Samantha tells us plainly what can happen if a couple just want to have a good old fashioned court battle, and also a reality-check on how mediation works in practice. Some more facts about divorce mediation: Family mediation is a form of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) which helps you reach decisions about things that are important for you and your...

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Will we lose our pension if we don’t use a financial advisor?

Will we lose our pension if we don’t use a financial advisor?

What will happen if we don’t seek advice when taking pension benefits?   The new pension legislation is not just something for financial experts to worry about – anyone with a pension needs to be aware that they could lose much of their future financial security to the tax man, if they don’t get the right advice.   And if you are someone who has been through divorce, and relying very much on the pension arrangements for your financial stability, the last thing you need is to unwillingly...

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The true cost of divorce

The true cost of divorce

  No-one knows better the true cost of divorce than those who have experienced an adversarial court-focused litigation process.  Sometimes those people are the very professionals who work hard to support divorcing clients to stay away from the court and find a better solution.   In this podcast interview with a Financial Advisor who has been through an acrimonious divorce, he describes the true cost of his own divorce and believes that if he had been able to use mediation then...

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Divorce TV: 5 January 2015

Divorce TV: 5 January 2015

  Divorce Day, parenting, cohabitation and other news on Divorce and Starting Over TV 5 January 2015   It was Divorce Day this week – and it was refreshing to see an article in the Guardian by Zoe Williams which bucked the trend, and instead of encouraging us all to believe that vast numbers of people post-New Year were filing for divorce, Zoe pointed out some salient facts that many of us may not have thought about before…..     See other episodes on the Youtube...

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Feeling Compassion For Your Ex: Sandie Martel

Feeling Compassion For Your Ex: Sandie Martel

Feeling compassion for your Ex may not always be easy – but not impossible. Sandie Martel tells us how it can be done in this interview with Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller:   “Feeling Compassion For Your Ex…. You are probably reading this and thinking I must have completely lost it. Well actually, I haven’t. I am feeling great. Of course compassion was not on the menu and if it had been, I probably would not have chosen it. But it suddenly appeared, when all the...

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Divorce Day and Cohabitation: Is marriage an insurance policy?

Divorce Day and Cohabitation: Is marriage an insurance policy?

On ‘Divorce Day’ in January it was refreshing to see an article in the Guardian by Zoe Williams which bucked the trend, and instead of encouraging us all to believe that vast numbers of people post-New Year were filing for divorce, Zoe pointed out some salient facts that many of us may not have thought about before: The first is that many of the couples who will be thinking of splitting up this year are not married, and about half of them don’t realise that they don’t...

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International Child-Centered Divorce Month

International Child-Centered Divorce Month

  January is International Child-Centered Divorce Month offering complimentary books, audios, coaching and other gifts for parents coping with divorce   International Child-Centered Divorce Month is being commemorated once again in January. The entire month is devoted to alerting parents about the effects of divorce on children – and how parents can make better choices regarding their children’s well-being during and long after divorce.   Throughout January, divorce attorneys,...

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Changing People: with Life Coach Sandie Martel

Changing People: with Life Coach Sandie Martel

In this interview with Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller, Life Coach Sandie Martel  shares a story of how she transformed her relationship with her strong-willed 5 year old.   Letting go There is something very liberating when you stop wanting people to change or to change people. We get easily annoyed when people are not acting the way we would like them to. We have so many expectations about just anything and anyone. We often think that life would be so much easier if only our...

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Your New Life After Divorce by Joy Fahey

Your New Life After Divorce by Joy Fahey

  Coach Joy Fahey of New Beginnings explains in this short video and accompanying article, how coaching helps people deal with the changes brought through divorce and family breakup. “When you realise that it is the end of your relationship it can tend to leave you feeling desperate and fearful. This is quite normal and having a coach helps you cope with these emotional feelings and supports you through the process of the breakup. Coaching will help you re align yourself to the new...

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Reducing your financial outgoings during divorce with Lottie Kent

Reducing your financial outgoings during divorce with Lottie Kent

  In this video the Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller interviews Financial Consultant Lottie Kent of Riverside Financial Consultants about how a financial advisor can help you reduce your outgoings during divorce, and release finance that can be used to secure a safer future for your children:   “I worked with a lady who wanted to stay in the family home, but the monthly payments were so high that she and her daughter were going to have to find another home because of the...

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Family Arbitration: A Flash in the Pan?

Family Arbitration: A Flash in the Pan?

It seems clear that Family Arbitration has something to offer in the divorce arena, but will it be adopted by the legal profession as another tool in the divorce tool-box – or be quietly left in a cupboard to be brought into the light only by a small band of hard-core enthusiasts? It does have some limitations – currently, Arbitration cannot be used to decide children matters.   “Arbitration is certainly …a huge untapped resource at the moment… it can...

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Is rebuilding self-esteem post divorce, a charade?

Is rebuilding self-esteem post divorce, a charade?

You know those big property developments where the site is surrounded by hoardings – great walls preventing you from seeing within – and they paint a vision of what the construction will look like when it’s finished onto the walls, whilst they slowly and noisily create the buildings within?   Well, regaining your sense of self-worth and confidence post divorce is a bit like that.  The building work is so intense, so painfully messy and it takes so long, that building some...

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

You are now separated.  Your ex is in a new relationship. You know that your kids will go and spend some time at weekends with this new woman. What is the best way to deal with that situation? Please read too if you are the ‘new woman’ as the same applies. Become the new woman’s worst enemy? Ignore that woman, even though you know that your kids will spend a significant amount of time with her?   Why? Why would you do that?   Well it’s not that simple. No, wait. Let’s put it this...

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Do lawyers need coaching to change their mindset?

Do lawyers need coaching to change their mindset?

It was wonderful to be interviewed on Radio 4 Woman’s Hour about getting on well with my Ex and his wife – but why is it that this should be seen as unusual rather than the norm? Shouldn’t family lawyers – especially those engaged in dispute resolution – also begin to question their own views and expectations about how their clients deal with their divorce, and perhaps change their perception of what is  ‘normal’ when divorcing? It makes sense to...

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The Importance of Coaching when Speaking to Your Lawyer: Joy Fahey

The Importance of Coaching when Speaking to Your Lawyer: Joy Fahey

Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller interviews Joy Fahey of New Beginnings Coaching, about the role that coaching can play when you are dealing with divorce lawyers.   The Importance of Coaching when Speaking to Your Lawyer   “When you first visit your lawyer it’s beneficial to have a clear decision of what you want to do, and coaching can help you to achieve this. It can also help you be less emotional when looking at the facts and figures and what needs to be done. This...

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A Walk on the Weird Side

A Walk on the Weird Side

Keeping it friendly through Divorce – even when it Hurts   It was whilst he cried on my shoulder for the end of the short affair that had split open our ten year relationship, that I knew my life was taking a new course. He wasn’t crying for the revelation of a few weeks before that he no longer wanted to be with me, and that the house we lived in would have to be sold for debts he had not told me about until now.  He wasn’t crying for my new enforced status as a single mother to...

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